When it comes to interpersonal communication, I tend to have this queer habit of imagining possible scenarios and then rehearsing all the probable reactions. Yet, many a times in reality, you are not blessed with some sort of time buffer to contemplate rationally. Especially for conflicts, most reactions would almost be impromptu and, sadly, regretful.
Conflicts are part and parcel of our daily lives. We had this survey in class once, and I remember being the only one who spoke dialect. This reminded me of an incident years ago when using dialect in a normal conversation somehow ended up as a wrong move.
In school, we were taught English and Mother Tongue. As such, it's not surprising to see the dialect-speaking population shrinking discouragingly. Speaking dialect has been a norm for me, though, ever since I learnt to talk. Despite so, I was careful to use it appropriately since I was aware that stereotypical opinions towards dialects do exist. What I didn't know was that some of these are just plain ridiculous.
It was a very simple order at a hawker centre - a bowl of noodles, with more chilli but less oil and meat - but I got back more than I had asked for. It was all because I had placed my order in Hokkien. After noting it down, the stallholder started to lecture me in a mixture of English and Mandarin with his opinions on speaking dialect. He first told me that students like me "shouldn't be speaking dialects" and that we "should speak just English" and our Mother Tongue. Before I could put forth any response, he followed with another argument that since I was in my school uniform, I should have been more sensitive towards the use of dialects.
At that very instant, I had very much wanted to just cancel my order and do that in English. Yet, all I did was to wait in silence but not without the typical offended expression. My hunger convinced me it wasn't worth venting my perplexity and his absurdity on the food. Despite so, I regretted that reaction of mine. Yes, I had satisfied my hunger, but I had failed to pacify my indignation. If the guy before me could place his order in dialect, why couldn't I?
Was it really wrong of me to speak dialect in that circumstance?
Hi Huiyun!
ReplyDeleteThere is no need to worry, you are not that queer as you think – many people do imagine many possible scenarios and try to rehearse all the probable replies in order to find appropriate reply. It can be something as simple as asking question in the lecture, you are always trying to phrase your question such that the lecturer will answer your question as you expect. It can also be something as complicated as trying to think of what to say to your parents when you get home late and drunk.
I would agree with you that the reason why face-to-face communication is difficult is because its spontaneity. When answering e-mail, sms or facebook comment, you always have some time to think, but in conversation you need to be quick on your feet.
To be honest, I am amused with your story of interpersonal conflict. I read it just a few hours after I read intense interpersonal conflict story by Shi Ying (please do read it!). Yours appear not to be interpersonal conflict at all or it can be seen as interpersonal conflict arising from difference in personal views about appropriate language use. However, a conflict with a stall holder?! You are a queer girl after all.
I would agree with you that the stallholder is just being a busybody. After all, who is he /she to determine what language a student can or cannot use? Is not the whole point of communication is just to be properly understood and thus there is nothing wrong to use a dialect?
On the other hand, the language that one uses also reflects one’s status in society. Your post reminds me Brad’s story about the emperor of Japan who spoke to Japanese people in ancient Japanese language that no commoners can understand. Although nobody can understand him, it is expected of him to speak in such language because of his status in society as emperor. It will be considered as strange is he started to speak in common Japanese language although people will understand him as a result.
I guess the stallholder considers that dialect is not a language that should be spoken by a student. He probably believes that dialect is only used by ah beng /ah lian or pai kia. (Btw, I have never heard ah beng or ah lian speaks in proper Mandarin or English, which I guess justifies his prejudice.) Since you do not look like an ah lian, the stallholder just informs you to use the language that reflects your status.
Hi Hui Yun! This was an engaging post about an interesting conflict which arose from daily routine.
ReplyDeleteI noticed that you used the class activity to start off the topic, were you consciously applying elements you found interesting in other peoples' posts? You will make great improvements to your writing techniques if you continue conscientiously reading and applying. I'm not sure if 'Mother Tongue' should be capitalised, and I found the words "many a times" in the first paragraph and the words "and do that" in the last paragraph unneccessary. Otherwise, the grammar is OK.
With regards to your story, I would be as equally shocked as you. Since the hawker was a total stranger, I think that your immediate non-response was an appropriate reaction. A friendly "OK, thank you" would have soothened the awkward situtation, but you're not obliged to be friendly to a condescending stranger. Perhaps he truly had your best intentions at heart or maybe he was in a sour mood that day, only further digging will tell. I wouldn't be interested in finding out more, because that was a pretty bad way to start the conversation.
I have found that usually, Singaporeans trust you principally on the language. If you can speak like one of their own, they will treat you as such. I am not sure why the hawker had such a reaction, especially towards a student, but I don't think you have to read too much into his outburst.
There is nothing wrong with speaking dialect in an appropriate context, and a bustling hawker centre is plenty appropriate enough. Eric brings up a good point with Brad's story. Since you are already careful about when to use dialect, I don't think there was miscommunication on your part.